Apologies in advance for the rant (and the length), but ranting at my non-real estate sympathizer hubby just isn't the same.

So a few months ago I get a referral from a client who was also a referral. We closed a deal successfully, and she immediately referred a coworker to me. I assessed the new clients motivation, etc and sent her off to get prequaled. The plan was for her to buy in late November. In late September when she originally called, I suggested we look at a few properties in the interim so when their time frame started they would know exactly what they wanted when they saw it. So, I spent a couple hours on a couple Sundays with them, plus many back-and-forth emails. They were probably the pickiest buyers I have ever worked with with extremely narrow criteria, especially for first-timers. They were two families that were merging together so the needs of EVERYONE could not be compromised. Nothing was good enough, but I wasn't worried because we had time, right? So as her strict timeline approaches a home comes up that I knew they would like because we had already seen it (and they loved it) and it was now back on the market! What luck! I take them to it, they spend nearly two hours looking at it and explaining to me why it is not the right house. It was so much NOT the right house that they need me to bring them back that night so they can show their soon to be teenage step-sister/daughters the house only to spend another hour and a half planning where EVERY piece of furniture they own will be placed. I'm not kidding, they brought measurements, and didn't forget any detail- including the trash cans (I know you want to think I am exaggerating but I totally am not). Then they proceeded to get in an argument in front of me because she was mad he had such a big desk he was not willing to give up. I flat out told her, I don't think this is the house for you. You are trying to force it and it is not working. We still have time and you should keep looking. I can tell when people are in "the" house, and that one wasn't it. This all transpired on a Monday, and we had an appointment prearranged for that coming Sunday to look at more homes- but she HATED absolutely everything that was available that met her criteria. I got a call from the boyfriend, kindly telling me that the other half did not feel like I was devoting the time to them that they deserve. EXCUSE ME? Were you there on Monday when I spent almost 4 hours with you at ONE HOUSE helping you plan how your 10 yr old's queen bed will fit in a tiny room? He said, "she's just upset because we haven't found anything, so give her some time and she will cool off. Let's reschedule Sunday". I tried to defend myself by reminding him that I was following THEIR timeline and THEIR criteria, so there is only so much I can do. He acted like he understood where I was coming from. I gave her a few days, then sent her a nice email (our usual mode of communication) explaining where I thought we maybe had some crossed signals and that I hoped we could put it past us and move on. So today I get the nastygram from her saying basically thanks but no thanks we are using someone else now.

They are still going to use the loan officer I referred them to, and they told her "you would think with the market the way it is she would work a lot harder for our business". WTF? I return your calls and emails promptly, I have met you EVERY time you wanted, I abided by your timeline and showed you houses whenever you wanted- what more do you want? My blood? Come on people!

I have parted ways with clients before, and now that I really think about it I am usually the breaker not the breakee. I am doing pretty good business-wise right now so it's not like a huge financial blow, so why am I so ticked that she thinks I apparently don't give good service? I don't want her to go back to the person who referred her to me and say something bad about me. Should I say something to my client that gave me the referral? AHHH this bugs me!

My guess is you stepped over your bounds when you told them the house they loved wasn't the one for them. It sounds like you dashed their dreams on the rocks.

I think working with these "so-called" Blended Families is almost as difficult as working with a couple working through Divorce Court. There is a similar amount of emotion involved.

These people have failed before, and are being ever-so-careful not to find fault with one another (that would call into question their judgement); still, when everything doesn't fall into place so as to make each family(?) member happy, "Someone has to be to Blame" . . . . and THERE YOU ARE !

After you, and after they burn through a 2nd, and then a 3rd Broker, an undeniable pattern will be discernible. Being 1st time Buyers, they are not good judges of how this business works, and certainly not of how much of your time they deserve; but they don't know that.

Maybe you can share an editted version of your Post above with the person who referred this Couple to you. She was probably a bit more mature and will understand.

I'm glad you mention that this is a Couple who have not contracted with one another yet in a Marriage. Maybe it is also premature for them to enter into a contractual agreement on that Mortgage; and wait until they commit to each other. Sharing a Rental and living with one-another's kids for a few years might be the best approach. (They'll say they can't find a rental big enough). A little test drive is in order. Right now, so much attention is being devoted to evaluating a house that it may be distracting them from the bigger issue at hand . . . . evaluating one another.

Good Luck. I don't think you're going to be missing anything except a few more migraines.

Bigtoe- to clarify slightly she LOVED the house, he HATED it because there was no room for his stuff.

Vermont- thanks for the encouraging words. You are absolutely right on all accounts!

At least they called you and told you!

A agree with Vermont though, you may miss a commission check, but the headaches not so much.

So all you can do is thank the referral source for the referral and keep them as a source.

You'll never convice the buyer that you did all that was possible. Trying to do so, would likely aggrevate her.

My first thought after reading your post was, "well, after all that, it sounds as if they are having issues OTHER than the house!" Otherwise, it makes no sense. I think Vermont hit it right on the head: all their machinations about placing furniture, etc. was a front for something else.

She loves the house, possibly because there IS NOT room for his stuff? Either or both of them are using the house as a cover for something else and we could spend a very interesting day taking them apart pscyhologically, but at the end of the day, it wouldn't matter.

You got caught in an impossible situation; without being there to know all the dynamics, the only thing I could possibly suggest is she may have resented you saying this wasn't the right house for them and they should look looking. While it may have been 100% true, that is a conclusion they should have reached on their own.

Good riddance; I've only once gotten caught up in a client's emotional landfield and somehow I got through it unscathed, even managing to keep my mouth shut, which was totally not easy!

I would send a note and call the person who sent the referral, explain it wasn't a good fit and thank them graciously for the opportunity...probably best not to go into the gory details, but do let them know how much you appreciate them thinking of you.

It happens.

Wow, Vermont. I think you nailed it perfectly. And your solution sounds right on.

This could end up being only their FIRST disagreement about the house but, if they don't find resolution with each other, it might be all downhill from there, not to mention another nasty sale for some unsuspecting broker who will get beat up in the process.

LaceyF ~ I say just let it go and move on. It's good you felt the need to post it here and get it out of your system. Internalizing it would drive you nuts.

Linda

I agree with Vermont. But I try to learn something from every situation that comes up. In this case, and I realize I'm butting in here, but I'm just trying to help...most people have to discover things for themselves. I probably would have just left them along to discuss it among themselves and let them come to the conclusion that it wasn't the house for them. I don't think people like it when we "tell" them things, I think it's better when they learn it themselves. Especially when it's very early in the relationship.

That said, it isn't so unusual to have people plan out where they'll put everything even though they don't like the house. I had a couple that would look at every little thing. After a while I called them on it, but I already had a relationship with them. When the man started picking a house apart "this wall looks like they fixed it themselves...there's duct tape holding the window up..." I just said "May I ask, is this a house that we are even REMOTELY considering?" and when he said no, I said let's move on.