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#459479 - 10/22/17 06:09 PM paying back commission
Flare616 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/22/17
Posts: 16
Loc: new jersey
I have a sister mad at me because I did not give her my commission when I sold her a house and listed her house. i did pay for her home inspection and a bonus to the selling agent on her house. her c0-worker told my sister she was given all the commission back when she sold her house by her sister.. what are the opinions?


Edited by Flare616 (10/22/17 06:13 PM)

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#459485 - 10/22/17 07:47 PM Re: paying back commission [Re: Flare616]
Long Walk Online   content
Member

Registered: 06/27/08
Posts: 122
Loc: New Hampshire
Hi Flare --

Sorry for the trouble you are experiencing with family over commissions.

First, what did you discuss with your sister before you did all that work for her? If you never had any discussion, and it has become an issue now, then I would say that you are in for some rough times.

Second, what kind of relationship do you have with your sister? If there is much trust there already, then you may be able to show her how much work you did and what is usual in the brokerage world. You also may be able to get her to understand that reasonable people would never make the demand she seems to be making now. And, it may be possible to actually get to talk with your sister's friend about what she is saying; it may be that she is not reporting accurately what she heard.

My counsel is to sit down with your sister now and talk with her. Having a neutral 3rd party mediate can also help.

Let us know how it goes and I'm sure that others on the board will have solid counsel for you, as well.

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#459487 - 10/22/17 09:56 PM Re: paying back commission [Re: Flare616]
Flare616 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/22/17
Posts: 16
Loc: new jersey
after the co-worker told my sister this my sister said she got very mad to learn she thought I should give the commission back and did not speak to me for a year. She retired. then she told me .

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#459488 - 10/22/17 10:01 PM Re: paying back commission [Re: Flare616]
Flare616 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/22/17
Posts: 16
Loc: new jersey
I explained to her all the work. she lives almost a hour from me and I traveled there and showed her tons of houses plus there was numerous telephone calls with the other realtors and of course you know what is involved. I'm very upset by this and she has made me feel guilty and deep inside I know there is no reason to be. but over and over she kept repeating she was family and I should have given her the commission.

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#459490 - 10/23/17 05:19 AM Re: paying back commission [Re: Flare616]
Vermont Offline
Major Contributor

Registered: 04/12/08
Posts: 7719
Loc: Vermont's North-East Kingdom
I guess your Sister thinks you're engaged in this activity just because it's so much fun . . . . it's not a Hobby; it's how you make a living !

Doing business with Friends or Relatives often results in those lingering bad feelings.

Still, when something (anything) about this Transaction goes sour, you'll be the first in line to receive the complaints; you can count on that !

I haven't estranged any Relatives (they're all over a 1000 miles away) because of Real Estate . . . . but I certainly have reduced my supply of people who I had previously thought were Friends.

It's probably best to refer these people out to some other "well-chosen" Licensee who can deal with them in an arms-length manner, and try not to involve yourself in the details; because you will be punished !
_________________________
Dale C. Hittle of GOLDEN RULE PROPERTIES in Glover, Vermont
Where We're Always Striving To Put Together "THE FAIR DEAL"

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#459492 - 10/23/17 06:45 AM Re: paying back commission [Re: Flare616]
Bigtoe Offline
Major Contributor

Registered: 10/14/07
Posts: 2238
Loc: Outer Banks
Now you know what a horrible person your sister really is. She would sacrifice family for money and blame you for it.too bad she doesn't live firther away.
_________________________
Your Outer Banks real estate agent. Helping people buy and sell OBX real estate since 1989.

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#459498 - 10/23/17 11:47 AM Re: paying back commission [Re: Flare616]
Flare616 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/22/17
Posts: 16
Loc: new jersey
then in that same conversation she had the nerve to tell me she had spoken with my nephew who told her if it wasn't for me his house sale would not have gone through. So many people don't realize the skills you need to make a sale or listing sell. If you make it easy they just don't realize all the behind the scenes work it takes to do this. Yet I feel like I am wasting my breath to be on the defensive and tell them truth and honesty are the most important qualities. all the time. I am 90% sure of retiring. It can really burn you out trying to please people , answer their calls day and night, the expense.

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#459500 - 10/23/17 12:26 PM Re: paying back commission [Re: Flare616]
Long Walk Online   content
Member

Registered: 06/27/08
Posts: 122
Loc: New Hampshire
Originally Posted By: Flare616
then in that same conversation she had the nerve to tell me she had spoken with my nephew who told her if it wasn't for me his house sale would not have gone through.

Hi Flare --

Again, sorry you are going through this.

So, it went well with helping your nephew? But with your sister it was a train wreck? And your sister talked with your nephew, got his good report, and then unloaded on you? Did you have a client agreement with her (whatever NJ requires) that clearly indicated the fee and the real estate services you would provide?

If all that is right, then you have your answer. Your nephew thought you were great and was comfortable with the fee. Your sister just wants the money.

Is there any other family member your sister respects and will listen to? If so, bring the matter to that person and see if you can get a meeting together with your sister.

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#459504 - 10/23/17 02:03 PM Re: paying back commission [Re: Flare616]
Vermont Offline
Major Contributor

Registered: 04/12/08
Posts: 7719
Loc: Vermont's North-East Kingdom
Are you independently wealthy ?

If you were charitable enough to give your Nephew the gift of your Commission, then it's only right that you also give it to your Sister; and if you were to cave and reward her for this Guilt Trip; wouldn't she automatically expect you to cough it up to him. After all, "He's Family too !"

From a PR perspective, you may as well give your Commission away to anybody you do business with and who would know how to spend it; if you have no takers there, I'm always open to receiving gifts.

From an accounting standpoint, this could be a very effective strategy when it comes to paying Taxes . . . . if you give all of your Commissions away, you'll have no income, and thus, NO INCOME TAXES !

And you wouldn't feel too guilty about not paying taxes under those circumstances, now would you ?

Meanwhile, and on a serious note, I hope you expensed your cost of her Home Inspection and the value of the Bonus that you paid to the Selling Agent. I don't mind being known as "cheap" or being audited; but if I spent money on anything related to Real Estate, it was probably fully expensed.
_________________________
Dale C. Hittle of GOLDEN RULE PROPERTIES in Glover, Vermont
Where We're Always Striving To Put Together "THE FAIR DEAL"

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#459509 - 10/23/17 04:00 PM Re: paying back commission [Re: Vermont]
Long Walk Online   content
Member

Registered: 06/27/08
Posts: 122
Loc: New Hampshire
Am I misunderstanding? Did Flare give the commission to the nephew and not to the sister? If so, get out the checkbook! laugh

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#459510 - 10/23/17 04:14 PM Re: paying back commission [Re: Long Walk]
Vermont Offline
Major Contributor

Registered: 04/12/08
Posts: 7719
Loc: Vermont's North-East Kingdom
Originally Posted By: Long Walk
". . . Did Flare give the commission to the nephew and not to the sister? . . ."

No . . . . I introduced that as a bi-product responsibility if he caved in to his Sister's Guilt Trip.

Sorry for the confusion.
_________________________
Dale C. Hittle of GOLDEN RULE PROPERTIES in Glover, Vermont
Where We're Always Striving To Put Together "THE FAIR DEAL"

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#459511 - 10/23/17 04:14 PM Re: paying back commission [Re: Flare616]
Flare616 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/22/17
Posts: 16
Loc: new jersey
yes there was contracts signed upon listing and selling her house. then in selling her another house. keep in mind this all happened in 2009 and she is just telling me now. even though she didn't speak to me for a year that was 2013. when the co-worker told her she got all her commission back. i sold my nephew's house 2016.and that is when she talked to him.After her divorce i took her on free vacations, dinners, car repairs etc. i haven't charged my children. Does anyone give their commission back to sisters , brothers?

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#459512 - 10/23/17 04:25 PM Re: paying back commission [Re: Flare616]
Flare616 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/22/17
Posts: 16
Loc: new jersey
no I did not give my nephew the commission back. i did other things for him. dinner , paid for the certificate of occupancy. i've never given the commission back unless it is my son or daughter.
just haven't charged my son when he sold. I normally give a gift. a dinner. I just never heard of giving the whole commission back
unless it is children. and I've always had that money reported
correctly. I just want to know what anyone else does? I sold her daughter a house . it was 7 pages of e-mails tons of calls , showed tens of houses, her daughter thanked me over and over. i gave her the home inspection money, a dinner and a American Flag. I must be missing something here. I always work harddependable, answer calls right away and call back ASAP. set up inspections. check rates etc etc.

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#459514 - 10/23/17 06:28 PM Re: paying back commission [Re: Flare616]
Vermont Offline
Major Contributor

Registered: 04/12/08
Posts: 7719
Loc: Vermont's North-East Kingdom
Originally Posted By: Flare616
". . . keep in mind this all happened in 2009 and she is just telling me now . . ."

That would be a long time to bear a grudge; and wouldn't it have surfaced during the 2013 No-Speaking period ?

Something about that Co-Worker doesn't quite sit right; as if she was intent on sowing the seeds of discontent . . . . some people just do that.

What exactly brought this festering sore to the surface in 2017 ?

I too have a Sister with an unusual outlook on life; she borrowed a few thousand dollars from me around 1976, when she was married to "Donny".

After she divorced "Donny", she feels that I'm not owed the money anymore . . . . like she was relieved of that responsibility when their marriage was liquidated; but I never would have loaned money to "Donny" were he not married to my Sister.

After 41 years, I'm still out that money; but at least I cut my losses and haven't loaned any more money.

Good luck to you, and here's hoping you'll be able to reconcile in less than 41 years !
_________________________
Dale C. Hittle of GOLDEN RULE PROPERTIES in Glover, Vermont
Where We're Always Striving To Put Together "THE FAIR DEAL"

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#459517 - 10/23/17 07:32 PM Re: paying back commission [Re: Flare616]
Flare616 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/22/17
Posts: 16
Loc: new jersey
what brought it about is our younger brother died and I guess she felt she should tell me. although I had called her many times over the years left messages she would not call back.
All that time I assumed what was wrong never dreaming its because she wanted my commission!!!

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