Now, Donna, just because you've had a bad day -- and it really sounds like you had a bad day -- don't automatically start assuming things about us Realtors.
1) I like appraisers just fine - know several, work with them on every transaction that involves a VA or FHA loan (which is a majority of transactions), they can pick up the phone & call me, I can pick up the phone and call them. (I'd encourage you to develop similar relationships with the Realtors you frequently work with.
2) There are Realtors who often do some of the things you're complaining about - like showing up & shoving comps at you. But, my experience has been that Realtors/Brokers are more likely to do that to someone who is doing a BPO, as if they didn't know what they were doing. Why not just thank them for their efforts and tell them you must pull your own comps. "That's the way the biz works!" and shrug and smile.
3) You seem to be mixing apples & oranges: appraisers complete appraisals while licensed home inspectors perform home inspections. Around these parts, home inspectors typically expect the buyer(s) to be present for the home inspection. On the other hand, Realtors around here make it very clear to the buyers that they are NOT to be present for the appraisal. We tell our buyers that "appraisers work for your lender" - and we explain that; "but that home inspector works for you, Mr. & Mrs. Buyer".
4) And we do sometimes call the appraiser to explain something they may not understand - like, the seller isn't replacing all the appliances, the buyer asked for a credit to replace the dishwasher. Of course, if the lender provides the appraiser with a copy of the fully executed contract, the appraiser can see what was asked for/agreed to and will not have to guess.
If you don't see this ^^ kind of cooperation going on, why not volunteer to teach a class at the local Board of Realtors for any Realtors who'd like to attend to learn the latest of what's happening in the appraisal world? (no snarkiness, no aggressiveness needed, of course
Hope things smooth out for you before your stress level negatively affects your blood pressure. . . . Come back & tell us how things are going.