Mmm, my wifes best friend bought a house without my help. We have had them up for weekend's at cottages we rent (they invite us up to cottages that they rent), taught her husband how to trap shoot with a shotgun, had many diners together, always spend chritmas together. Not sure what to make of this? (he is a VP of sales with a Major sporting goods company, similar to Nike.)

I think this is purposely "aimed rejection"
with underlying messages.

What do you cat's think?

Yes I'm the guy that knocks on doors so don't bang me on the head for that.

This cat thinks you just need to get over it, don't hold a grudge and move on. These things happen.

Is their a relationship they had with the other agent?

Did you all discuss their next move with specifics? Was he getting data from you?

I always feel for the mortgage lenders around here. They make their bread and butter by forming wonderful relationships with agents. When they need to sell what do they do? Unless they go FSBO they burn bridges.

Was this something like that? I am just saying, don't be quick to assume it was a rejection.

I know plenty of people who, when they need to engage in a business transaction, will do whatever they can to make sure their money goes to a friend.

I also know plenty of people who, flat out, don't do business with their friends because they don't want to ruin the relationship if the transaction goes sour.

I certainly welcome the business of my friends and family, but I can understand the hesitation that some might feel...and I certainly wouldn't hold it against them.

I generally don't do business with friends or family, so its OK when those calls don't come in. With that said, however, family members frequently come to me with housing questions.

In response to your question, there may have been sensitive details involved in that transaction that they wanted to keep personal (bankruptcy, limited down payment funds, etc.). Take the high road, congratulate them and then share a positive story with them about one of your satisfied clients. Who knows? Properly handled, this may translate into a new source of referrals.

Ouch I hate it when that happens, but it's part of the business and there is nothing you can do about it.

But I don't think it's worth burning your friendship over just make sure you direct any real estate related questions back to their agent in the future.

^^What Andy said.

What Greene said. It sucks, it's life. Oh well.

You all make many good points, thank you. When your spouse
isn't in the business they cannot really relate to how this
feels. You folk can and I thank you for your understanding.

They discussed buying a home with me last Summer, she wanted
to go it alone. ie watch the MLS, walk by homes that she liked
and if she wanted to view it she would contact "Lucky". This
women is a friggen German and has her own ideas on how the
world spins, kinda like my German wife. They bought through
the listing agent and didn't do a home inspection.

I hope the basement floods or their is a major structural
problem with the house, I cant wait to hear all about the
problems, will be fun.

I had this happen with a friend I golfed with every week for years. When it was time to sell he had me do a market analysis and I even helped him stage the house. He assured me I was getting the listing. He ended up listing with an agent his neighbor told him about. She priced the house 40K under what it was worth and sold in a week.

Needless to say, we don't play golf together anymore.

Yep, when crap happens you can offer to refer a couple of of handymen to them and just commiserate. "Wow, what a shame the agent didn't have your back and didn't strongly encourage you to have a home inspection. Ouch!" and then leave the gloating off there. LOL

I always try to avoid taking any pleasure in the misfortune of others . . . . but sometimes it is very difficult to not sense a bit of glee.

Unfortunately it is human nature to not feel a little twinge here or there when trouble befalls someone who you feel wronged you...especially if they had NOT wronged you they wouldn't be in the mess they're in...but you are right Vermont, it is best not to show such vile character traits.

It really is rather loathsome.

If you think it's "aimed rejection" with underlying messages, perhaps its as simple as that. What did you do to tick her off? Could be as simple as one bad joke at a cottage weekend.

My motto is "I don't get even but I get satisfaction". Sometimes that satisfaction is watching this kind of person fall down the rabbit hole of their own stupidity or ignorance or avarice or greed.

Thanks for sharing your terrible story, makes me feel much better. If I
was you I would burn his house down, this will really irk him or hit him
on the head with a golf club, just pretend it was a mistake. Brain injuries
are not easy to live with and he wont forget you.

My take on what happened. This womens husband earns an executive salary, they have no kids and she doesn't work. She isn't really keen to look for a job and so she decided that finding a house was going to be her FULL TIME JOB. In Germany agents are not that common and many people do this house stuff on their own. Germans buy a home and then never ever sell it.

Even at 46 years of age my wonderful mother reminds me every week that I'm
a "special flower" and perfect in every way which helps in this business immensely. My wife isn't really on board with this but she wisely keeps
quite while wearing a strange look on her face.

This site is really good for therapy and it's always nice to hear that something worse happened to someone else, makes on feel better/less lonely.


Deepsea, good point, but even when I've had a lot of beers at a cottage/diner I'm still as my mom would say delighful/charming and way too incredible for most women.


I love my mother.

*roll eyes*

My momma is German (Mixed with Spanish blood). You are right, you can't tell a German woman a darn thing! On the plus side though when she is wrong you can expect silence and Wiener Schnitzel.

Actually, could be for a number of reasons that they chose someone else and not you.

1. Perhaps they were afraid that the loan officer would disclose their financial situation to you (i.e. these guys are making 100k/mo, so they can afford anything, etc...).

2. Perhaps they were expecting a cashback from their agent and felt embarrassed to ask you for it. Not sure about Canada, but in some US States, it's perfectly legal for Agents to credit part of the commission to their buyers. Perhaps they felt embarrassed to ask you for the same.

3. Some buyers are brutal when it comes to Real Estate. I.e. they want to lowball many houses. And treat Agents as disposables. Perhaps they did not want to offend you with similar tactics.

I think it's always best to keep business separate from friendships.

Clients are everywhere and easy to come by. Friends are not that readily available.

If you depend on your friends for your business how will your friends know if you are sincere or just using them for business.

They chose you to be their friend. Don't ruin that.

Personally, I don't like to have friends for clients. Too much out of my control can go wrong and mess up a perfectly good friendship.

Plus, I can tell a PITA client where they can put their attitude if they are not also friends.

You see, that statement right there would be enough alienate some women. Instead of punching you in the face, she probably decided to punch you in the wallet.

Wow I check back in and more fun stuff.............

Don't take it personal. I have had friends by through me and some not.

I don't even ask them. If real estate is brought up I say if you need me to help you let me know. If they want to ask a thousand questions I say "Make an appointment". I explain this is friend time and then there is business time.

I am happy to answer a question or two but not more than that.

I only do commercial real estate now but still handle some residential stuff for my friends and past residential clients.

If your whole existence hangs on a friend using you then a new business plan is in order.

LOL

Thank you all for taking the time to respond to my
difficult situation. They have moved into their new
home and are very, very happy. As my wife has finished
her school year and doesn't really want to look for
a job she has decided to spend her time working with
her best friend on the garden, great.

My plan is to avoid these people at all cost, as I'm
in the real estate business I can pretend to have to
show a house when they invite us for diner. Luckily
I have some funny creative ideas in my head that I
will impliment to avoid these people.

Her husband is a VP of a major sporting goods company
and he worked his way to this poinT in the SALES division
so it's not like he doesn't know how it feels.

Either way thanks for all the sensible advice I'm going
to do the exact opposit and get stomach cancer or something
evil like that.


I learn't this from a Japanese guy who had his house turned
into drift wood in 7 seconds.

Fall Down 7 Times, Get Up 8

He may have been thinking that introducing a business transaction into the mix could have spoiled your friendship . . . . especially if you present such a picture of success that you won't even miss one little piddly Commission.

Or they may not of been thinking at all.

I think expecting friends to give you their business is seen by most people as pathetic and desperate. Most people know more than one Realtor and frequently they don't give the biz to anyone they know because they don't want to choose between their friends.

One of the biggest benefits of prospecting for business, in my mind, is that you don't have to "work" your friends.

Don't we all know the insurance salesman who wanders around parties with a swarmy smile asking everyone if their insurance is up to date? Don't we all hate that guy?

1)
Good point regarding mixing business/friendship but why not
come out and be clear from the begining. This I would respect.

2)
My name is not "Lucky" and I don't have closings lined up
all the way to Timbuktu.


What irks me is my father ran a very successful business and I
worked for his firm for a few years. The one tenant that he
always stressed was "Loyalty" and I have lived my life
close to this principle and it has served me well.

I don't care for this situation and I have never ever in
18 years really got comfortable with these awful acts but the
good thing is time does heal.

A while back, a friend wanted me to list his house, and he wanted me to rebate my commission to him. I told him I don't do business with friends...

You are better at choosing your friends than me, at least they
gave you the OPTION if you were prepared to work for less
than a living wage. There is a sublte mesage hear and it
could be they would love to see you starve to death.

In my case I always blame my parents for everything that goes wrong in my life and in this case it's due to the fact that
I have a British background. My wifes best friend is a big,
strong German and her husband is a FRENCH Canadian. Historicaly
we have not got along very well at all. I attribute this to
the aimed rejection that was fired at me. Don't you worry
I will fire back in good time. As I do the cooking I can very
easily poison them when we have them over for diner next.

Maybe I'll make a video of my creative counter attack and post
it on this site, not sure what the Admin guy with the funny
hat will say about that.

I blogged about this very topic just a little while ago. This happened to me many times early in my career. One time my wife stopped speaking to her good friend for a whole month over a transaction they didn't include me in.

You are not going to get everyone, but there are things you could be doing to give yourself a better chance.

Don't beat yourself up over this, thick skin is as important as business cards in Real Estate.

best

Marty

This is the exact reason why I think that cold calling or door knocking would be a better way to get business, I would hate to mess up my relationships with friends/family in situations like this...

Marty has been in the trenches and knows exactly what I'm
talking about.

You gotta get past this. If you let this eat you up...this business is going to eat you up. It sucks, but it happens and all you can do is move on. If you don't want the friendship anymore...then don't participate in the friendship any more...but the venom and anger has got to go.

This happened some years ago, but its a story you'll appreciate. My wife has a big extended family, aunts uncles cousins, etc. They're really close, and to me they're like my family. My mother in law was living with her sister, and she met someone and they got married. So, they decided they were all going to make a move. The aunt sold the house she lived in, bought a new house. My mother in law and her husband bought a house down the street. So...thats three transactions. Around $1,000,000 in volume. Did they call me? No. They all used the same agent...some guy who they had met seeing one of the houses. Not anyone they had a prior relationship with.

Now, you can't make any argument that they didn't understand. We had many conversations about the real estate business, and my mother in law had a good friend who was a realtor who had retired so she knew. They just didn't think...everything happened very quickly, they saw these houses, they were right for them...they didn't want to loose them so they bought them. That guy was there...they listed their house with him. No time to think about me.

Would I have done that if I were them? No...but thats me. Some people are wired to think about others that they care about, and some aren't. Doesn't mean they don't love and value me...they just love themselves more.

It will happen to you over and over again, don't let it ruin your life. This business is hard enough on your life as it is.

LOL, wow, this is quite a thread, I'm glad I saw it today. To the OP, do you expect all your friends/family to use your services for all their real estate transactions?

This thread could continue forever because it keeps happening to one of us every day. Even after 45 years and growing a thick skin it still bothers me. I still feel it is a direct evaluation and opinion of me and my skills. Now when my best friend listed his home with his mother in law, that I had no problem with. But with others I just waited for restitution which had a habit of showing up.

When I hear of this I think of an old agent of mine and smile. She used to send the people a bill stating that when the bill is paid in full they could resume their relationship. You had to see these invoices. She would then frame and hang a copy on the wall in her office. I asked her one day is that helping any? She only answered she wished she had started it when she was new.

Me too, very hard to swallow. If I was 2-3 years new in
the business then I understand but if you are a seasoned
vet then there is no excuse what so ever.

Understand it is not thier job to remember us...
The ONUS is on us...
This happened to me recently..
my cousin bought a 400k house in my neighborhood and didnt use me..I was crushed..he then referred another 500k buyer to the same realtor,...I was bitter and angry..
I asked his mom, my aunt..her response...in her wisdom//

"Sweetie, Where were you? Where was your marketing? His realtor sends him a monthly newsletter, anniversary and birthday cards, and calls them once a month"

I had an epiphany..the other realtor had earned thier business..
I did nothing for my sphere no newsletters no nothing..
so who's fault was it really...

Okay, so, school is over and rather than look for a job
today my wife has gone over to help her best friend with
the garden. This makes me feel very good. (My wife is working
on degree number three, most students get summer jobs except
she is 46 and feels exempt from this.

Thank god I'm making my calls and working on what I uncover.

Linden,

Her husband plays on a hockey team every Sunday evening
and my wife and her talk for two hours during this time.
Even though I dont understand German I know my loyal wife
is telling her how wonderful I am and how lucky she is to
have me as her husband. So, they are contantly reminded of
how incredible I am and that I'm in real estate.

Business is business and friends are friends.

Not my experience growing up at all. Every catered diner
party my parent had, every ski chalet and summer cottage
we visited was client/friend based. My father was a advertising
exec went on to run his own firm, strategic planning and
brand character analysis. My parents friends were head
of marketing Campbell Soup, Proctor and Gamble, Lever Brothers,
Porsche/Audio, Burger King and on and on. These frienships
survived for decades regardless of which firm these guys
moved to or became president off. At this level the world is
a very small place and if you were given all the data on
how a brand was born and how it evovled and were it now
has to go LOYALTY WAS DEMANDED. And if you think I'm lying
go and buy a marketing book for any University or College
and my fathers thinking is spelled out in these academics
publications.

My father was in the commercial printing paper business, and thats how it was with him too. All of his great friends were also customers of his, and he built a wonderful business and life through those relationships.

One thing I have learned though, is that our business is different. He met these people in the context of doing business, and the friendships grew from that. Certainly that can and does happen in our business, but in a lot of the situations we're talking about these are friendships that have grown and had nothing to do with business, and we're wondering why these people are choosing to do business with people who aren't us.

The relationship is different because the basis of that relationship is different.

Interesting, you opened my eyes up to a very good point.
The nature of our parents business was ongoing with a small
group of client for years and years. As agents we are more of a one off deal kinda like a one night stand. I agree that the odd customer we service in some cases beomes a life long friend but this is by far the exception as opposed to the rule. To be honest I don't want too many friends, I'm on the phone a ton and by the weekend I'm talked out and have had enough of people.

This is why we need the lead generating component built
in on a permanent basis.

IMHO, the main reason people to not use friends or family in real estate is that they do not want others to know their personal financial situation. For many it is embarassing and they feel more comfortable disclosing to strangers than F&F.

For the most part, that's true. People will talk about anything, even their sex lives, but most won't tell you what they make (unless it's BIG bucks, but even then some won't) and they are sure as H not going to tell you if they're in big financial debt.

Keeping up with the Joneses....

Very good point.


Turns out there is a God and he loves me just
as much as my mother.

My wife got a call from her "Best Friend" and the basement
has flooded very badly. They had to move everything out
to the garage. This house was a flip job/speculation/
reno cowboys and when they lowered the basement floor
they left a large gap between the new concrete floor
they poured and the house foundatioins. The water
pours in.

Being a nice guy I'm going to point out that "Mould"
will now be growing behind the wet drywall. Always
helpful Hunter.