This is the exact reason why I think that cold calling or door knocking would be a better way to get business, I would hate to mess up my relationships with friends/family in situations like this...

Marty has been in the trenches and knows exactly what I'm
talking about.

You gotta get past this. If you let this eat you up...this business is going to eat you up. It sucks, but it happens and all you can do is move on. If you don't want the friendship anymore...then don't participate in the friendship any more...but the venom and anger has got to go.

This happened some years ago, but its a story you'll appreciate. My wife has a big extended family, aunts uncles cousins, etc. They're really close, and to me they're like my family. My mother in law was living with her sister, and she met someone and they got married. So, they decided they were all going to make a move. The aunt sold the house she lived in, bought a new house. My mother in law and her husband bought a house down the street. So...thats three transactions. Around $1,000,000 in volume. Did they call me? No. They all used the same agent...some guy who they had met seeing one of the houses. Not anyone they had a prior relationship with.

Now, you can't make any argument that they didn't understand. We had many conversations about the real estate business, and my mother in law had a good friend who was a realtor who had retired so she knew. They just didn't think...everything happened very quickly, they saw these houses, they were right for them...they didn't want to loose them so they bought them. That guy was there...they listed their house with him. No time to think about me.

Would I have done that if I were them? No...but thats me. Some people are wired to think about others that they care about, and some aren't. Doesn't mean they don't love and value me...they just love themselves more.

It will happen to you over and over again, don't let it ruin your life. This business is hard enough on your life as it is.

LOL, wow, this is quite a thread, I'm glad I saw it today. To the OP, do you expect all your friends/family to use your services for all their real estate transactions?

This thread could continue forever because it keeps happening to one of us every day. Even after 45 years and growing a thick skin it still bothers me. I still feel it is a direct evaluation and opinion of me and my skills. Now when my best friend listed his home with his mother in law, that I had no problem with. But with others I just waited for restitution which had a habit of showing up.

When I hear of this I think of an old agent of mine and smile. She used to send the people a bill stating that when the bill is paid in full they could resume their relationship. You had to see these invoices. She would then frame and hang a copy on the wall in her office. I asked her one day is that helping any? She only answered she wished she had started it when she was new.

Me too, very hard to swallow. If I was 2-3 years new in
the business then I understand but if you are a seasoned
vet then there is no excuse what so ever.

Understand it is not thier job to remember us...
The ONUS is on us...
This happened to me recently..
my cousin bought a 400k house in my neighborhood and didnt use me..I was crushed..he then referred another 500k buyer to the same realtor,...I was bitter and angry..
I asked his mom, my aunt..her response...in her wisdom//

"Sweetie, Where were you? Where was your marketing? His realtor sends him a monthly newsletter, anniversary and birthday cards, and calls them once a month"

I had an epiphany..the other realtor had earned thier business..
I did nothing for my sphere no newsletters no nothing..
so who's fault was it really...

Okay, so, school is over and rather than look for a job
today my wife has gone over to help her best friend with
the garden. This makes me feel very good. (My wife is working
on degree number three, most students get summer jobs except
she is 46 and feels exempt from this.

Thank god I'm making my calls and working on what I uncover.

Linden,

Her husband plays on a hockey team every Sunday evening
and my wife and her talk for two hours during this time.
Even though I dont understand German I know my loyal wife
is telling her how wonderful I am and how lucky she is to
have me as her husband. So, they are contantly reminded of
how incredible I am and that I'm in real estate.

Business is business and friends are friends.

Not my experience growing up at all. Every catered diner
party my parent had, every ski chalet and summer cottage
we visited was client/friend based. My father was a advertising
exec went on to run his own firm, strategic planning and
brand character analysis. My parents friends were head
of marketing Campbell Soup, Proctor and Gamble, Lever Brothers,
Porsche/Audio, Burger King and on and on. These frienships
survived for decades regardless of which firm these guys
moved to or became president off. At this level the world is
a very small place and if you were given all the data on
how a brand was born and how it evovled and were it now
has to go LOYALTY WAS DEMANDED. And if you think I'm lying
go and buy a marketing book for any University or College
and my fathers thinking is spelled out in these academics
publications.

My father was in the commercial printing paper business, and thats how it was with him too. All of his great friends were also customers of his, and he built a wonderful business and life through those relationships.

One thing I have learned though, is that our business is different. He met these people in the context of doing business, and the friendships grew from that. Certainly that can and does happen in our business, but in a lot of the situations we're talking about these are friendships that have grown and had nothing to do with business, and we're wondering why these people are choosing to do business with people who aren't us.

The relationship is different because the basis of that relationship is different.

Interesting, you opened my eyes up to a very good point.
The nature of our parents business was ongoing with a small
group of client for years and years. As agents we are more of a one off deal kinda like a one night stand. I agree that the odd customer we service in some cases beomes a life long friend but this is by far the exception as opposed to the rule. To be honest I don't want too many friends, I'm on the phone a ton and by the weekend I'm talked out and have had enough of people.

This is why we need the lead generating component built
in on a permanent basis.

IMHO, the main reason people to not use friends or family in real estate is that they do not want others to know their personal financial situation. For many it is embarassing and they feel more comfortable disclosing to strangers than F&F.

For the most part, that's true. People will talk about anything, even their sex lives, but most won't tell you what they make (unless it's BIG bucks, but even then some won't) and they are sure as H not going to tell you if they're in big financial debt.

Keeping up with the Joneses....

Very good point.


Turns out there is a God and he loves me just
as much as my mother.

My wife got a call from her "Best Friend" and the basement
has flooded very badly. They had to move everything out
to the garage. This house was a flip job/speculation/
reno cowboys and when they lowered the basement floor
they left a large gap between the new concrete floor
they poured and the house foundatioins. The water
pours in.

Being a nice guy I'm going to point out that "Mould"
will now be growing behind the wet drywall. Always
helpful Hunter.