To My Democratic Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or explicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion
and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2011 but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere.

Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

To My Republican Friends:

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

May God Bless All You this coming Year

very nice...Doin...I plan on doin what Ive always been doing...peace!

LOL!

lol, that was great!

If you all liked that one, then perhaps this will give you a chuckle....
It just hit me !!


My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants, 24/7/365.


His meals are provided at no cost to him.

He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this he pays nothing and nothing is required of him.


He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.


If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep. He receives these accommodations absolutely free.

He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.

All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head,

My dog is a Democrat!

Was this humor? Happy New insults!

Insults? Really? After all I would never insult a dog. Ba da bing. I disclosed the warning in the thread title it was only for the light hearted. Don't take it so seriously. It is a sterotypical joke-nothing more. I'd love to hear one about republicans. Laugh with me brother.

Oh to be a dog....What goes around comes around...and when I come back around I want to come back as My Dog...LOL

It can be a rough life though. I seen pics of my dog when the humane society found her, its a wonder she lived. I'm sure she still remembers those days, thats why I let her live like a Democrat!

I'd be happy coming back as your dog, or mine. Im not sure about being Perkeys dog though, she would not let hers up on the new couch and don't feed her table scraps (Poor Mandi)!

Two guys are sitting around talking about politics.

One of them asks the other, "So why are you a Democrat?"

"Because my daddy and granddaddy were Democrats," was the man's reply.

"What if your daddy and granddaddy were horse thieves?"

"In that case, I guess I'd be a Republican."

(Eh. Best I could do under time pressure.)

Nice one. How about this...

How many republicans does it take to change a light bulb?


None. They have the help do it and they are all democrats.

And to prove I'm nonpartisan...

How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: one to change the bulb, and the other to keep the first one's knee from jerking.

I dont get it....

I think it is joking that democrats are reactionary, ie. knee jerk.

Okay here are some more... 1) You are stranded at sea but luckily your boat comes into a solid current and places you on the shore of nearly deserted island. 2 cast aways emerge from the palm trees and confront you. They explain that one of them is a democrat and one is a republican. You have only one chance to determine their identities by asking only one question to one of them. If you fail to get it right they will send you and your boat back out to sea. If you get it right they will feed you and give you water. What question do you ask to be certain you do not end up afloat in the sea again?

punchline 1
1) Tell the one on the left you have an old water bottle you would like to recylce. Ask him where the recycling bin is. If he groans you identify him as the republican. If he gladly points the way you have your democrat.

punchline 2

2) Tell the one on the right you have a solar powered radio and ask if he knows the local station for the Rush Limbaugh show. If he groans you identify him as the democrat. If he smiles you have your republican.

still dont get it...but I thought the horse thief one was funny...

Things that Republicans believe:


A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then automatically expect their cooperation and money.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

And being a Floridian, I love this one......

Newly elected governor Rick Scott is returning Florida to conservative leadership and has said he'll run Florida like a business. An idea that can work; like GM, AIG, Chrysler and other businesses, when Scott needs money he'll just go to the Federal Government.

Ditty, the ACTUAL humor was that the joke about the Democrats was 1) not particularly funny and 2) largely incomprehensible. :P

(OK, I just made that up.)

OK... incomprehensible...that I understand....

Q- What's the difference between "dead" Elvis Presley and an intelligent Republican?

A- There have been numerous sightings of Elvis Presley.

yes... I saw Elvis this morning...does that make me a dumb Democtrat? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5JALwwaASg

Yeah, what Brad said. You can't make this stuff up!

What is a liberatarian's favorite thing to do on the weekend? It's none of your business.

2 rebublicans are in a car, one has dark hair the other light hair. Who is driving the car? The chaufeur.

What is a moderate's favorite month of the year and letter of the alphabet? May-B

What is it called when the Green Party guy breeds too many night crawlers? Global worming.


Okay they are pretty bad, but I want to keep it light hearted.

Hooray!!!!! Just heard the president stepped down....... Oh sorry, Wrong country.

For some strange reason Fox is NOT covering the celebration in Egypt at all... almost like they are trying to pretend something wonderful didnt just happen that President Obama payed a key role regarding...

The world is acknowledging his role in what some are calling the greatest fall of a dictorship in decades...

Thank you Mr. President!!

Wet blanket. Have some fun. Toss some zingers. Make some jazz. It's just fun.

Obama steps down, Joe Biden becomes president. Careful what you wish for Doin' because despite how much you may dislike him (I'm guessing), the immediate chain of command is worse IMO.

Personally I wouldn't mind it going down four levels, but that's just me.

http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0101032.html

Brad who is the 4th level? I know Speaker of the house is the 3rd. So that would be John 'Need a Tissue' Boehner.

Never mind, I followed the link. Here is a copy and paste for others to read for fun. Some have changed I think. Thanks Brad for the information. I think I'd rather wait for the next election.....


•The Vice President Joseph Biden
•Speaker of the House John Boehner
•President pro tempore of the Senate1 Robert Byrd
•Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton
•Secretary of the Treasury Timothy Geithner
•Secretary of Defense Robert Gates
•Attorney General Eric Holder
•Secretary of the Interior Ken Salazar
•Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack
•Secretary of Commerce Gary Locke
•Secretary of Labor Hilda Solis
•Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius
•Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Shaun Donovan
•Secretary of Transportation Ray LaHood
•Secretary of Energy Stephen Chu
•Secretary of Education Arne Duncan
•Secretary of Veterans Affairs Eric Shinseki
•Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano


Read more: Order of Presidential Succession — Infoplease.com http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0101032.html#ixzz1Dr8xsbYk

Why is the Sec of Treasury above Dept of Defense in the line of succession? Thats just crazy talk. Sec of Treasury??? I'd rather have Homeland Security way abour the Treasury.

I'd be OK with Secretary Clinton in Power. It would be a hoot nanny to have Bill Clinton back in the White House.

yes....women know how to clean a house...LOL...Im sure she has a housecleaner...but so do I...still the job will be done...and on a regular basis...

Content of this post was removed by moderator, at request of the poster, out of consideration for victims of the Japanese earthquake.

How do you tell the difference between a republican a democrat and an independent with a half a glass of water?

The Democrat looks at the glass and says "It is half empty".

The Republican looks at the glass and says "Hey! Who took half my water!!".

The Independent looks at the glass and then looks at the 2 others and says "Why don't we all work together for the common good and dig a new well?.



For a female how do you know if you just had sex with a Republican or a Democrat.

If he says "Was it good for you? Is there anything else I can do for you?". He is a Democrat.

If he says "I got mine. Get your own, or not, it is not my problem". He is a Republican.

Thanks Grampa. Good ones.

I have had a bad feeling since my last joke post. I made it earlier the day of the quake and did not realize at the time how bad it was. As time went on things kept getting worse. I wanted to go back and make an edit of it, but by the time I did the edit function had been removed. I apologize for the joke made on the back of a tragedy.

The point of the thread is to have fun, but not at anyone's expense.

I understand. PM me what you want changed. As a Global MOD I can change it for you or remove it altogether if you like.
I spent nearly a year just south of Tokyo and am not at all surprised that there is no looting etc. going on. They have a very different mind set.

WOW, I always considered myself a Dem., but I guess I am actually a Republican!

For what its worth, I did not see anything offensive about your post, even enlight of the disaster. Then put it into context of the postings, its really not offensive.

When it is all said and done we are all just tiny, carbon based, organisms living on a rock that is zipping around a 4th rate star in a 3rd rate galaxy at 66,671 Miles per hour.

^^Im huge.

Thanks for saying so Dayton. I certainly did not intend it. I took Grampa up on his suggestion and asked him to remove it.

I'll be back with more gems though.

Stop this Merry go Round....I want off....

This is probably outside of the zone of what this thread was intended to be (Humor) but it just hit me hard about what is going on.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/us_wisconsin_law

If you pass a law, the courts block it on constitutionality issues, and you move forward anyway, you have, in effect, nullified the judicial branch of our government. Would that make you a DEM or a REP? Power corrupts........

Power is arbitrary to those who hold it at the moment.

G. Washington was offered the opportunity to become a dictator after the war for independence. His response was that he had not helped defeat King George the 3rd to become King George the first. He was a stern supporter of the multiple divisions of the Government so that no one branch had too much power.

Please note that I have been a registered independent since I first voted at 18 years old. I do not trust any party because they all have a conflict of intrest in my humble opinion. I have voted for Dem, Rep, and Ind, candidates based on what I thought their merits were and have always thought I was choosing the lesser of two (or more than 2) evils.

______________________________________________________________

Arbitrary power is most easily established on the ruins of liberty abused to licentiousness.

George Washington, Circular to the States, May 9, 1753

______________________________________________________________

"...with liberty and justice for all." (Must be 18. Void where prohibited. Some restrictions may apply. Not available in all states.)
-D. Stanhope

I've recently come to the conclusion that the term "judicial activism" equates, quite simply, to "any judicial decision with which I disagree."

I say: Fire 'em all and put me in charge!

"G. Washington was offered the opportunity to become a dictator after the war for independence. His response was that he had not helped defeat King George the 3rd to become King George the first. He was a stern supporter of the multiple divisions of the Government so that no one branch had too much power."

Grandpa- Were you and G. Washington close? Thats neat to have known the first President. I bet Martha was a hoot to hang out with!

Good one!! However, I am not quite that old (close but not quite).

I am a humble student of what our founding fathers said.

How does the addage go......about being young and liberal, then aging into a conservative. I will try and recall it.

"Show me a young Conservative and I'll show you someone with no heart. Show me an old Liberal and I'll show you someone with no brains."

That's the one.

You forgot to attribute the quote to Winston Churchill.

Conservatism clings to what has been established, fearing that, once we begin to question the beliefs that we have inherited, all the values of life will be destroyed.

Morris Raphael Cohen
______________________________________________________________

Don't make the mistake of thinking that you have to agree with people and their beliefs to defend them from injustice.

Bryant H. McGill

Interesting. I think the word 'fear' taints it for me. I can see this applying to a social conservtive and the degredation of society. In a way that every generation of parents is concerned about the loose moral ways of their children, ie. shorts skirts and long hair, and THAT MUSIC!. Also the way the church battles changing morals, for instance the Episcopal church dealing with female clergy and same sex marriage.

Here is what I think of as a conservative (in addition to what you wrote) Laissez faire is the theory of government that stands on the autonomous character of economic order, believing that government should intervene as little as possible in economic affaris standing instead for the supremecy of individiual action and the liberty of personal conduct.

I see conservative roots being the most entrusting of the individual and whatever diversity they bring to the table. That freedom of choice to be who you are and make whatever choices work for you and your situation. The liberal mindset is untrustworthy of people and not comfortable with autonomy. It micromanages and dampens spirit.

Kind of sounds like a BPO agent would fit right into this.

sounds very contraditory...my thoughts....conservative...twisted panties...liberal...burned my bra...LOL

Pics of the burning.

I have NO pics of my past...LOL... pre digital and cell phones...

http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2...in_history.html

This is kind of interesting. Dan Quayle's son all grown up, serving in congress. His father was the butt of many jokes when he was vice president, obviously. Now Ben is doing a dinner speech and delivering a bunch of jokes, some self depricating, most at the opposition and some at GOP presidential candidates.

This video is not terribly funny, though there are some good jokes, all pretty light hearted and on both sides of the aisle.

I found it really interesting though, thinking back to when the guy was a little boy having to deal with this stuff internally. It probably bothered him quite a bit since he was so young.

I really think Condoleezza Rice should get into real estate. Specialize in...you guessed it...condos! Condo Leezza! It's bound to catch on, don't you think?

Absolutely. Great pick up. Of course, she would specialize in property management and 'leezes'.

That reminds me of an old thread about funny real estate names.

Nature vs. Nurture. Hmmmmmm.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_theticket/...nce-suggests-no

Whoda thunk?

I do not quite understand the article Grampa. Frankly, I'm a bit concerned and a little scared.

this was a joke BTW.

I think Dems will always try to agree, Republicans think they are above everyone and refuse to listen to anybody that does not agree. Thats not an opinion, its a fact. So said, motion passes, Republicans are A@@'s, Democrats are good.

Motion passed.

People can be pretty darn nice . . . . when they get their own way.

(Real)Headline: As Fidel Castro steps down, a political shakeup in Cuba?

(joke)biline #1: Cuban leader sets eyes on Demcratic nomination in US--Como Esta Obama?
(joke)biline #2: President Obama appoints dual presidency czar comittee--The people of Cuba deserve better.
(joke) biline #3: Cuba seen from Palin's backyard--thought it was Russia at first.
(joke) biline #4: Trump leaves campaign trail to close escrow on Cuba--breaks ground on golf course condominiums--It's going to be huge.

Fair and unbiased.
That is funny.

BEWILDERED TEXAN



While hiking down along the border this morning, I saw a Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River; he was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying.

Along with him was a Drug Smuggler who was also struggling to stay afloat because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back. If they didn't get help, they'd surely drown.

Being a responsible Texan and abiding by the law to help those in distress, I informed the El Paso County Sheriff's Office and Homeland Security.

It is now 4 pm, both have drowned, and neither authority has responded.

I'm starting to think I wasted two stamps...

That's the US postal system for ya'!

LOL....I had to read it twice...I am very bad with jokes...my dear friend Mary used to have to tell me first...before she would tell a joke...Im just a little slow...getting them...

Mary is the friend whose doggies you adopted, right?


I love jokes with a homerun punch line. Good one CA Dreaming

yes....she was quite the jester! Miss her very much...

A President looked at his First Lady, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy." She shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy". Hearing their exchange, the pilot of the plane said to his co-pilot,"Such big-shots back there. I could throw both of them out of the window and make 256 million people very happy."!!

Reminder, this is intended to be fun.

Lol.... ok thats good. Thats not nice but its really funny.

The first time I heard that was in 2007.

Good one Grampa-better than the original.

Thanks. You are right about the edginess of it. I edited the thing to keep it cooler, a little.

Wow, since it seems all the jokes on here are at Republicans' expense, how about a Top Ten list?

TOP TEN DEMOCRAT PARTY SLOGANS
10. We're bitterly clinging to taxes and abortion.
9. We didn't destroy your freedoms; you can visit them at the Smithsonian.
8. If you want us to listen to your opinion, move to Europe.
7. Someday, none of this will be yours!
6. Please don't vote us out! None of us can do real jobs!
5. We can't tax terrorism, so who cares?
4. Why the Founding Fathers limited government: RACISM
3. Reducing America's carbon footprint one job at a time.
2. America: we just can't wait to see how it ends!
1. Making everything in this country free--except you.

haven't heard these ones... good job

The credit actually goes to the imao.us blog. My own jokes would actually be much nastier!

I thought we had about an even showing of slamming Reps and Dems.

I saw this quote attributed to Gipper and thought of this thread.


"Socialism only works
in two places:
Heaven where they don't
need it and hell where they already have it."
-Ronald Reagan

These are others not realted, but I 'll share for sake of just seeing them if you want to.
'Here's my strategy on
the Cold War:
We win, they lose.'

'The most terrifying words
In the English language are:
I'm from the government
and I'm here to help.'

'Of the four wars in my lifetime, none came about because the U.S. was too strong.

Keep in mind this was prior to Iraq ( for you young ones)

'I have wondered at
times about what the
Ten Commandments would
have looked like if Moses
had run them through
the U.S. Congress.

'The taxpayer:
That's someone who works
For the federal government
but doesn't have to take the
civil service examination.'

'Government is like a baby:
An alimentary canal with a
big appetite at one end and
no sense of responsibility
at the other'

'The nearest thing to eternal
life we will ever see on
this earth is a
government program.'

'It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession.
I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first'

'Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:
If it moves, tax it.
If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving,
subsidize it'

'Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed,
there are many rewards;
if you disgrace yourself,
you can always write a book.'

'No arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is as formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women.'

'If we ever forget that we're one nation under GOD, then we will be a nation gone under.'

Bachmann wins Iowa straw poll.

That was the punchline you have to insert your own joke.

Hey! We have us a Texan in the mix now :-) We're in for some wild west politics.

We've seen this movie before..it ends badly. Hopefully we wont pay to be disappointed again.

I used to live in TX, like the state a LOT, and do not have an ax to grind but the last time we had a President from Texas we went from a budget surplus that would have seen the National Debt reduced to the point it could be paid off to losing:

The Budget Surplus
The Ecomomy
The Banking System
The Middle Class
The Housing Market
The Twin Towers
A lot of our Basic Freedoms
The City of New Orleans
And Most importantly the limbs and lives of some of our most heroic Americans, Those who put themselves in harms way to guarantee what liberties we have left.

Disclaimer: I have been a registered Independent since I was old enough to vote. I have never voted a straight party ticket and I have never missed a vote. I personally believe that we should do away with political parties and make all politicians stand on thier beliefs instead of their party's retoric. I would also do away with SuperPacs et.al. and put significant restrictions on former political service persons becoming lobbiests. Corporations have non-compete clauses in employment contracts and the Gov should as well. But that would put the political process back in the hand of the people and I am smart enough to know that will never happen.

But that is just my humble opinion which may or may not bear any resemblance to reality.

Yeah but this one has good hair and he's cute! ;-) (Ok Im joking. Evryone dont get mad at me!!)

I must admit he does have a full head of hair and, I must suspect a good dye job.
The cute thing I will have to defer to you on.

Full of Hot Air

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "But how did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You've made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect ME to solve your problem. You're in EXACTLY the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now, it's MY fault.

Now thats funny!

I have two words for you Grampa...


Ron Paul !!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1e9HCNh4qQ&feature=related

Breaking News: President Obama has just confirmed that the DC earthquake occurred on a rare and obscure fault-line, apparently known as "Bush's Fault."

A couple of notes. I lifted this from FB. I posted one a few hours after the earthquake in Japan and by the time the true magnitude became apparent to me I was not able to editmy post. Eventually a good moderator assisted me. THat sad, this quake was not much ado about anything in terms of property loss or human suffering so let 'em rip.

RE: We WILL Rebuild

ROFLMAO!!

Isn't it great that since President Obama inherited all his problems from President Bush that he's taken all the trouble to preserve and grow that "inheritance" for his successor(s)?

haaaaahahahaaaaaaha! bullseye.

You really crack me up Doin'.

Here's one to think about...

BREAKING NEWS:President Obama has just confirmed that the DC earthquake occurred on a rare and obscure fault-line, apparently known as "Bush's Fault". Obama also noted that the Secret Service and Maxine Waters continues an investigation of the quake's suspicious ties to the Tea Party. Conservatives however have proven that it was caused by the founding fathers rolling over in their graves. Residents of D.C. Don't be alarmed with the Earthquakes. That's just the Country shifting to the RIGHT!!

but its the chair on the right that fell...

If you look at the photo and study it in some detail (as I have) you will note a number of discrepancies with shadows and angle pitch, and mostly apeture. I won't get into the F-stop discussion..that's a whole nother topic. In short, there has been tampering with the image and it is really the one on the left that fell, pushed by the one in the center. The one on the right was innocent in all of this.

Kidding of course.

Seriously did anyone notice how it looked like the Beer summit setting for Obamam the police officer and the Haaaaaavud professor.

And Joe, Don't forget Joe!

my bad...who could ever forget the scrappy kid from Scranton

I thought it was a reference to Joe the Plumber.

I don't think the plumber was there. They released the hounds on him though. I don't think they even put up airs that they sympathized with him. They dug into his private life since he knicked away at the 'off the promter' image of the candidate O.

Alls he did was ask a question of The One.

Beer summit was a drunk prof who locked himself out the house. Neighbors called cops on him since they thought he was burglarizing the home. They arrived and the prof grew beligerent when they asked for his id. I do not know the rest of the details.

I do recall O said the police acted stupidly, and he was not aware of all the deetails at the time he spoke. So he had to mend fences in this capacity.

He did more than ask the question to 'the one'. He rode the ride and got bounced off, not before writing a book and extending his 14 minutes of fame. The media built him and dropped him when nobody cared to listen to him.

I largely agree with you, but at the endI struck through the part I was less sure about. I think he struck a chord with alot of people. It wen too far as you described. Like George Costanza said, you need to quit when your ahead andmake a grand exit when you hit your peak. He must have missed that episode. In the beginning though, people were listening.


edit
The more I read your post though I think that is what you were saying altogether. That people were listening and then tuned out, then he was dropped by the media machine.

Difference Between Republicans and Democrats

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.

The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican's pocket and gave the homeless person fifty dollars.

Now you understand the difference between Republicans and Democrats

The Bushes and Clintons on a Train

George and Laura Bush and Bill and Hillary Clinton are traveling by train to the Super Bowl. At the station George and Laura each buy a ticket and watch as Bill and Hillary buy just one ticket. "How are the two of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks George W, astonished at what he is seeing. "Watch and learn," answers Hillary.

They all board the train. George and Laura take their respective seats but Bill and Hillary cram into a toilet together and close the door. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand... The conductor takes it and moves on.

The Bushes see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea, so after the game they decide to try a similar plan on the return trip.

When they get to the station, they see the Clinton's at the window buying a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Clinton's see that the Bushes don't buy any ticket at all. "Aren't you taking a terrible chance by traveling without a ticket?" says Hillary. "Live and learn," answers Laura Bush.

When they board the train the Bushes cram themselves into a toilet and the Clintons cram into another toilet just down the way. Shortly after the train leaves the station, George W. leaves their toilet and walks over to the Clinton's toilet, knocks on their door and says, "Ticket, please."

And you're still trying to figure out how the Democrats lost that election.

Bachmann/Palin 2012. The dream ticket.

Please, please, please, please, please.

(or Palin/Bachmann, either would be good.)

So much potential. (for posts here)

Yeah, Sarah and Michelle may misspeak or say a dumb thing here or there, but a lot more dumb things are said ABOUT them than anything they've said or done. It's not even close. Yes, they are my "dream team" and I'm considerably younger than both of them. Gotta love those cougars!

Why Republicans don't like Halloween?

Because it teaches children at a young age they can go door to door and get something for free with nothing given back in return. If something is not given to them, that child has the right (no pun intended) to trick that occupant.

Thus Halloween is deemed a socialist holiday by the right, as it corrupts young minds to thinking that they are entitled to things they have not worked for or earned.

Pulled from FB.
Fill in your favorite politician or whomever it takes to make you chuckle. This name worked well for me.

a guy dies and goes to heaven, he sees a bunch of clocks. he asks st. peter what are all the clocks for??. st. peter says everybody has a clock, and when they lie it ticks once! so he shows the guy mother teresa's, the hands have not moved, then he shows the guy the pope's, same thing!have not moved... then the guy asks, where is barrack obama's clock? i wanna see it! st. peter says you can't, it is in GOD'S office on his desk and he's using it as a fan !!!!

This one too has been recycled. I first heard it after 9/11 when Bush was making the case that Saddam had WMD and was trying to get "Yellow Cake" to make a nuke.

I also saw one recently that was changed.

The original was a question whether there should be IQ tests for stupid, poor voters.

The response whas "How do you know that stupid, poor people voted?"

The retort was that "If the Republican won."

It was redone in the nationally syndicated cartoon strip "Wizard of ID' as just "stupid people" and if the Democrate won.

Like any corrupt Chicago politician, Obama would frequently go the cemetery to register voters. One night he came across a grave so old and worn that he couldn't make out the name on the tombstone. The staffer holding the flashlight got impatient and suggested that they just move on to the next plot. Obama angrily exclaimed, "This person has as much right to vote as anyone else here!"

OMG - I liked that! Sent that to a few friends.

Times like this I wish we had a like button. Nicely done DRSRK.

Halloween costume ideas from both political parties....

1. Scary Perry (The Executioner)
2. Rombie (Mitt as zombie)
3. Michelle Batman
4. Ron Paul Jones (a pirate who will go down with his ship)
5. Newt the Gingrich Who Stole Christmas
6. Herman Cain, pizza delivery guy
7. Obama as Dumbo for the ears
8. And Hillary as the wicked Witch of the West--laugh line is a clear match. I am assuming a primary challenge.
9. Palin--the naughty librarian (You'll have to pay for that late book Johnny)
10. Trump--as Trump (It'll be Huge! Frankly, the best ever.)

Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road. Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer. They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed like hours. When the chauffeur came out, Limbaugh was confused about why his driver had been in there so long.
"Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses." explained the driver.

"What did you tell the farmer?" Limbaugh asked.

The chauffeur replied, "I told him I was Rush Limbaugh's driver and I'd just killed the pig

Rush is Reich.

I am still amazed that anyone listens to him after his rants on drug abuse prior to him being found to be a drug abuser. I understand that drug and alcohol abuse is a serious problem. My problem is with the him making money being down (on the air) about the abusers while probably being stoned at the same time. Especially since he forced his hired help to assist in his abuse for fear of being fired. (was his housekeeper here legally? I do not remember) Please note that he only admitted that he was an abuser after he found out he had an warrant out. Oh, and he was not really Dr. shopping even though he got 2000 pills in 6 months from 4 Doctors. Yeah right.

http://bradleyreport.net/commentary/StonedRush.htm

But those who love him will forgive (or choose to not see) the reality.

Personally I hope that the rehab helped him to stop. I also have to admit that his choice to do the hate verbage has made him VERY rich. Rich enough to divorce the wife who married him when he was poor and get a new trophy wife who celebrates her "Birth Week" instead of just her birthday.

Sounds a bit like Newt who divorced his wife who was dying of cancer and got a new, better wife.

Bachmann/Newt 2012 (Or Bachmann/Palin 2012) The dream teams for late night comedy.

I am a ditto head.

I am able to appreciate all of that music and all of those movies knowing all the drug and alcohol dependence going on with Hollywood actors and with musicians on the music scene. I try to seperarate the product from the source and withold judgement since I have not walked in their shoes.

I used to listen to Rush but his rants got a little strong for me and his ego is as big as he is. Ego has brought a lot of big people down.It seems his program changed considerably after he got all the money and fame.

After the Beatles did Sgt. Pepper, Frank Zappa came out with an album titled "We're only in it for the money."

Yes there is a lot of people change their ways when the money and fame become bigger than the cause.The cause takes back stage while the money moves to the front


"Avoid having your ego so close to your position
that when your position falls your ego goes with it."
~Colin Powell~

I view Rush and other political pundits similar to the WWF. It's good entertainment without a lot of substance. (No pun indented)

No one is right or wrong 100% of the time. All these partisan political commentators have an agenda to make others in the differing party look bad. They view the opposing party to be wrong about everything, and correct about absolutely nothing. That holds true on both sides of the political fence, with the right side being more vocal on radio as they completely dominate that media’s airwaves.

I agree with this quite a bit. I called myself a ditto head, which if you listen to the show you know it means you are a big fan of the show for it's entertainment value or enjoyment value and has little or nothing to do with your opinion of politics.

I have a good time listening to the show when I can.

My kids call him Rush Rottenbug. They are Rush Babies though, they just don't know it yet.

Interesting artwork..

QUOTE FROM MARK TWAIN: “ If you do not read the newspaper you are uniformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed “ !!

Also goes for TV and Radio talk shows.

That's a great one.

I read somewhere he was both born and died on the day Halley's Comet came around. That is so remarkable it almost can't be true. Has anone else heard that?

Not the same day but during the same month. I am less impressed by it when I realized that anyone born in November of 1835 and died in (I think it was) May of 1910 did the same thing. Probably somwhere there were several people who did go in and out the actual days.

When you point that out it is not statiscally as impressive as it would have been to the day. But still neat, given life expectancy was much lower back then.

Barack Obama met with the Queen of England. He asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there... any tips you can give to me?"
"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Obama frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please ... See More send Tony Blair in here, would you?"
Tony Blair walked into the room and said, "Yes, Your Majesty?" The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please, Tony, your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, "That would be me."
"Yes! Very good," said the Queen.
Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden, his vice presidential choice the same question. "Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?" "I'm not sure," said Biden. "Let me get back to you on that one..." He went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer.
Finally, he ran into Sarah Palin out eating one night. Biden asked, “Sarah, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Sarah Palin answered back, "That's easy, it's me!"
Biden smiled, and said, "Thanks!" Then, he went back to speak with Obama. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Sarah Palin!"
Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face, "No! You idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

Nominated for quote of the year is the statement made by Texas Congressman Dick Armey when asked: "If you had been in President Clinton's place, would you have resigned?"

Armey responded: "If I were in the President's place, I would not have gotten a chance to resign. I would be laying in a pool of my own blood, looking up and listening to Mrs. Armey saying, "How do I reload this damn thing?"

DRSRK: Now THOSE were funny!

Ditto, (with, not an unintended, poke at Rush)

This is a bit interesting.

This was written by a German, who was Jewish, about 100 years before Hitler took power.

Dort wo man Bücher verbrennt, verbrennt man auch am Ende Menschen.
Where they have burned books, they will end in burning human beings.
Almansor: A Tragedy (1823), as translated in True Religion (2003) by Graham Ward, p. 142

Setting: The National Cathedral: The Preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

With that, Congressman Isa Diarte' Sowell (I) Delaware got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Isa, what do you want me to pray about for you?" Isa replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The preacher put one finger of one hand in Isa's ear, placed his other hand on ...top of Isa's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Isa Diarte' Sowell, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Isa, how is your hearing now?"

Isa answered, "I don't know... It isn't until next week."

That was GREAT!!!!!

Thanks Grampa. You might like this picture.

Even a puppet is capable of seeing the inequity.

The Obama joke was priceless

If I remeber correctly that one too is recycled. Seems more appropriate for a "C" student as well as opposed to someone who actually got very good grades.

Still funny none the less.

The public does not know the grades of The Leader. His transcripts have yet to be released. Could be A's. Could be something else.

yea right, I doubt theres an A- on President Obama records..but as you say we dont know for sure..at least we know for sure George Bush got D's, but then no one was suprised by that..

The words "President Obama" SHOULD be a nonpartisan joke...he's working on it!

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St.
Peter at the entrance. ‘Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you. ‘No problem, just let me in,' says the man. ‘Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity. ‘Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the senator. ‘I’m sorry, but we have our rules. ‘And with that, St.
Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator raises...The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. ‘Now it's time to visit heaven. ‘So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. ‘Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity. ‘The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell. ‘So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. 'I don't understand,' stammers the senator. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened? ‘The devil looks at him, smiles and says, 'Yesterday we were campaigning....Today you voted.'

That is an example of a Grand Slam Home Run of a joke. Well done DRSRK.

WOW--that was an awesome joke! And probably true!

Doin', your map reminds me of the movie Team America: World Police. If you haven't seen it, it is NOT for the faint of heart, politically correct, easily offended, etc. Anyway, there's a song that goes, "America $#@& yeah!" and your map brought that song back immediately! Good times, good times...

''Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his.''

—Ronald Reagan