Someone in my office had put together a list of secret code words used in real estate ads. Some of the words were: Charming - Small, Comfortable - Very Small, Cozy - Very, Very Small, Low Maintenance - Dead Plants & Rocks etc. It was pretty funny. So, I thought it would be fun to post up a thread of "code words".

quiet neighborhood = nobody wants to live there

How about Prestigious = Expensive

Historic = Old, delapidated
Cozy = Small
Potential = (please see historic)

Or overrated. I see that word thrown around here A LOT and I think "That's PRESTIGIOUS??? HA HA HA ROFL!!"

Unfortunately, the over use of it for certain areas that are NOT prestigious have made it worthless as a genuine adjective. lol

LOTS of Potential = See historic above X 2.

needs work = needs a bulldozer

classic style = outdated by 30 years

In-Law Apartment = Damp Corner of Dark Basement

LOL!

Pond Site = Wet spot in yard over failed Leach Field

seasonal stream borders property = next to storm culvert

Starter Home = Which will NEVER be finished.

Close to shopping = next to a mall

This one won't last long = Overpriced and looking for an out of state buyer

motivated sellers=overpriced and i need an offer or i will get fired.

priced to sell=i hope your buyer only looks at this one house

willing to negotiate=overpriced

FIRM $399,000, FIRM $379,000, FIRM $349,000, FIRM $299,000, FIRM $249,000, STILL FIRM $199,999, PLEASE MAKE AN OFFER $169,900

Ooops!!! Seller must have Over-Dosed on VIAGRA!

You're right on Vermont! I love when the MLS notes state the price is firm and the sale price is 10% below list! lol.

Bonus to selling agent if full price offer accepted before this date = help me sell my overpriced listing

cash offers only = overpriced and won't appraise

furnished = I don't feel like moving my junk out

owner willing to get creative with financing = overpriced and won't appraise

Motivated Seller = Yeah . . . . By Greed !

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^lol



rent to own=overpriced
seller financing=overpriced


i love the 5k (or whatever) in closing cost....rofl.....how about whatever my offer states... so you wont accept anything else? to me stating how much closing help is needed is like stating a firm price.

Needs TLC = Please don't get a home inspection.

SOLD AS-IS = Please don't ask for repairs or repair credits, even though the seller may pay for them.

No Homeowners Association! = This home is probably located in a run down neighborhood.

Make an offer subject to inspection = Tenants hate the seller and will not cooperate with showings.

Great investment property! = Nobody would probably want to live here.

Low Maintenance Yard = Another boring desert yard with no grass.

and my favorite....

Short Sale = Anything BUT short!

"Needs TLC = Please don't get a home inspection."

I love it in my MLS there spin is always "Needs a littl TLC"

Then you see pics of it and it is falling down almost.

Another one most recently is "Nice property-will NOT qualify for FHA or VA financing" = Conventional rehab loan or cash offer.

Alot of residential brokers used to use beautiful.Now on every listing I see it says "GEORGOUS". I am so sick on hearing this word now it makes me want to puke!

You mean you don't put those riders on your signs...

I'm Gorgeous Inside!

Well-maintained - Original decor from 1956 (perfect for your amateur investor)
Fix-up - Way too much work for your amateur investor.

As is, where is = Bring an armed contractor

Seller will consider all offers = Seller wants the price he would have received at the peak of the last boom = astronomically overpriced!

Bring any offer = (see above)

Natural Setting = forget about planting anything, the deer will eat it.

Natural Setting = that creek out back gets perilously close to the house during a heavy rainstorm

I found that it would be valuable if I brought along a Visual Aide. This Historic Home offers Single Floor Living at its finest; Low Maintenance; Flow-thru-Ventilation; Open Floor Plan (no inside walls); Windows pointed out in every direction – and with glass so clear it seems to disappear! Symetric Neo-Classical Architecture; Color Coordinated; New(er) Roof; and an Attractive Addition for the In-Laws.

Well-Appointed with Built-In Features too numerous to mention, like Window Boxes and even a Screen in the Front Door! Efficiency Yard that doubles as Parking . . . . so hardly any need for a mower. Jungly Back Yard; but still just a hop, skip and a jump to blacktop for easy commuting !

A must see! Won’t last long! (or much longer) An easy show ! Serious Buyers only please. You're almost Home ! Tires me out just thinking about it !

That's a real beaut, there Dale.

Reminds me of a "ranch home" here that is actually a converted school bus with an addition.

I despise the term "newer". Newer= Than what?
Newer roof = 5-8 years old
Newer appliances = circa 2000
Newer carpet = steam cleaned 70s shag.

Well, that's the point. Because many agents have fallen into the trap of calling a one-year-old roof a 'new roof.' Then the broker ends up paying for a real 'new' roof! So they dance around it with words such as 'like new' or 'newish' or 'newer.' Not very smart.

If you call it a 'newer roof' then there is some ambiguity. Personally, I'd use 'roof replaced in Jan 2006. Complete kitchen remodel with top-of-the-line appliances installed in August 2007!'

I have an REO listing that the previous listings remarks stated that it had been totally remodelled. Well it might have. In 1955. It is a 1928 house.

Unfortunately our MLS really restricts the amount of characters we can have in our description. It's a lot less characters to say "newer". Since my broker requires us to put the seller's disclosure up on the mls for all of our listings, all they have to do to know how "new" the roof is would be to look at the disclosure.

To de-code Newer or New(er); it simply means it's not as old as the structure itself. It's not the Original Roof. That's what this thread is for . . . . to Un-Veil the Arcane Secrets of our Real Estate Cult to the Normal People.

Un-veal?

Or, more appropriate, de-pork...?

*snicker*

Okay, okay . . . . so I made a mistake; and I fixed it. I'll try to get over it . . . . somehow. And, no one I'd rather get caught by than the Ever-Vigilant Perkster.

But how could I have allowed this to happen ? I think I originally had "reveal" but determined that it didn't have quite the same mystery coefficient in this secret context; so I just swapped out the Prefix "RE" and replaced it with the "UN" (thinking that might create the image of some Exotic Dancer in a Harem, pulling aside one of those flimsy cloths they use to cover up their teeth); but I never looked back to see. It never dawned on me that the underlying root words might be completely different:

veal - pronounced like Eel, the fish; versus

veil - pronounced like Ale, the malt beverage.

Weird, Heh ?

Thanks for setting me right . . . . I wouldn't have had it any other way !

Now, I want some fish and chips, and some beer to wash it down with!

i'm beautiful inside......just plain corny!

I'd take you lucnch if you were in my area!

I'll remember that the next time we're passing through Dayton!

One very popular around here is 'authentic', which can be pretty ugly in homes over a century old

A friend of mine just got done purchasing a house in Atlanta. He wrote me this note:

--------------
I'm relatively young. I'm relatively cute. I'm positively pre-approved for an obscene amount. Why is it so hard to get the ^&*$%#&^ Realtors to call me back with a definite answer or appointment time?

In the last few months or so I’ve learned many new and exciting phrases and code words used in the wacky, exciting world of real estate. I should feel worldly and knowledgeable now but instead I just feel dirty and defiled. Realtors speak a language all their own but once you start paying attention, it’s easy to pick it right up!

For instance, did you know that…

“As Is” means: We’ve hidden the bullet holes and mold as best we can. If your appraiser finds them during a later inspection you can’t come back and sue us while we spend your money in the Bahamas on hookers and drugs.

“Handyman’s Special” means: We bought this house to fix up and flip but we just don’t have the money and/or desire to mess with it anymore.

“Needs Light Cleaning” means: Nothing is as cleansing as a fire. A big, raging, out of control fire that happens to occur when all the alarm batteries are dead and/or removed and the neighbors are in Boca.

“Corner Lot” means: Expect loud rap music booming bass waves at your house from Olds Cutlass trunk speakers on two sides of your house at all times, not just one.

“Pet friendly back yard” means: At least two carpets in the home will smell like cat [censored].

“Just waiting for your touch to make it a home” means: We have screwed with the place as much as we can but now we’re done. Congratulations it’s your turn now.

“Florida room on back” means: A small to medium sized covered porch with zero privacy that’ll be too damn cold to occupy six months out of the year. It does not mean Florida from “Good Times” will live in the back of your house and work as your maid as part of your monthly mortgage payments.

“Needs Updating” means: My elderly grandmother lived here until she was 106. In fact she died right where that stain is on the shag carpet in the corner. Her love of floral wallpaper was legendary so good luck removing it from every room in the house when she comes back as the undead to haunt your every night spent under this roof…and don’t tell her I sold you this house. I don’t want her pissed at me…

“Rent to Own” mean: Let’s pretend you bought the place outright and then we’ll pretend I’m the bank; not just another stinking landlord making a buck off your sorry credit challenged butt.

“Recently Reduced” means: I’m already pissed off no one can see the obvious perfection of the home I’m so desperate to unload so I’ve already lowered the price below my expectations. Try to bid a lower price now , I dare ya.

“All the appliances stay” means: I’d hang onto that avocado green and/or harvest gold refrigerator if I was you. Not only will it probably be a classic any day now but we haven’t moved it in 35 years and we’re scared what’s living behind that wall. That humming noise? Oh that’s just the power draining out at the pole transformer every time the ice cube maker cycles. Margarita?

“Long Term tenants” means: I tried to evict their non paying butts for the last year but the courts make it impossible to throw someone out in under six months and a year is a long time to pay attorney’s fees.

“You keep the washer and dryer!” means: This is a bribe. Shut up and make me an offer already.

“Dry basement lifetime guarantee” means: A fruitfly has a lifetime. It’s nine days. It’s a fact!

“Refinished hardwood floors” means: It took forever to get that painted outline of the corpses off the living room floor but hey…their loss is your gain!

“Motivated seller” means: Foreclosure imminent.

“Assumable Mortgage” mean: Assume the worst. Assume that I got in over my head four years ago and I’m a week away from foreclosure. Assume the neighbors tune their Harley’s at 3am every night and weekend. Assume I’ve tried every damn cheap trick in the books to get the hell out from under this slum and now I’m willing to limp my broke butt down the street into a cozy studio apartment.

“Priced to move” means: We’ve lowered the price to sell quickly and it has nothing to do with the way swaying movements of the termite undermined substructure every time a stiff breeze blows against the house.

Classic, Troy!!! Excellent observations! I laughed all the way through.

i read that one out loud for a few other agents it was so good!

Spend much time in Dayton Troy???? You nailed it HAHA!!!!

This home has huge potential - translation, anything done would be an improvement.

Troy! I am dying here. Had to shut my office door!

My latest pet peeve:

Large shop = Slightly oversized one car garage not attached to the house.