I was in the middle of a contract to purchase a house when we learned that my wife would more than likely be laid off (she is in the mortgage industry as well). My realtor spoke to my lender (who he reccommended) about my financial situation without my permission, in that he inquired as to whether I would be able to purchase the house based on my salary alone. Is there an ethical violation on either side here? I feel very uncomfortable with them speaking about my finances behind my back, regardless of how general the questions are. He (in my opinion) has been doing a terrible job, he has basically antagonized the now furious sellers, and now this. I just don't know what to do.

Good question! What was your agency relationship with the Realtor? Were you a customer or a client?

Either way it would have been better if you had been asked first if you wanted to try to qualify on your income alone.

I don't think it's as much a questions of ethics for your REALTOR to ask your lender, as it is for your lender to disclose to your REALTOR about your financial ability without your permission.

Pikes Peak nailed it. Your REALTOR had no right to disclose your financial situation without your permission.

...and by "REALTOR" you mean "lender"...yes?

I think that's what he meant.